15 Poop + Sex Horror Stories That’ll Make You Gag But Also Laugh


“I was hooking up with a guy and he accidentally sharted in
my mouth.”

Posted on August 09, 2017, 23:16 GMT

We
asked the BuzzFeed Community
to tell us their worst poop + sex horror stories. Here are
the horrifying results.

1. This infected penis:

“This guy and I were friends with benefits, and one day we
were getting a little freaky. We decided to try anal, and I
got poop on his dick. That’s not even the worst part. For
months, he had an infection in his penis because of
it
. I still feel awful, and it’s been years.”

—haleys41465fdf3

Showtime / Apatow Productions

2. This Hershey’s kiss:

“I was going down on my boyfriend in my dorm room. His
muscles were all tense, and he was breathing really hard. He
said he wasn’t going to finish because he had too much to
drink, so we both got dressed. I noticed these weird brown
streaks on my sheets. He pretended to be confused and left
immediately. That’s when I realized why he was acting so
weird, because he was trying to hold in his shit while I
had his dick in my mouth
. The next day, he had the nerve
to lie and say he had some chocolate in his back pocket and
it must have melted on my bed.”

—christinak4c924587c

3. This chocolate-covered ass:

“So I love to give rim jobs when I’m having sex.
Unfortunately, one time ruined my love of ass for a few
years. I was hooking up with a guy, and while I was fucking
him I decided to go down and eat a little. As I started to
rim him, I tasted something strange and said ‘your lube
tastes weird.’ He pulled his ass away, took a whiff, and
said, ‘I don’t think that’s lube.’ I literally licked his
shit-covered asshole
.”

—jasonvenc

4. This stuck butt plug:

“My partner and I were using a little butt plug. This
particular plug didn’t have a base, so naturally it got stuck
up my butt. I didn’t want to tell the guy what happened, so I
decided my best bet was to go to the bathroom and try to coax
it out. Bad idea. I was crouched down, fingers in my butt,
digging for the plug, when I accidentally shit in my
hand
.”

—annag424582590

5. This shopper’s break:

“When my girlfriend and I first started dating, we got very
adventurous. One day the mood struck us while we were at the
mall, so we went into a store’s bathroom. She convinced me to
stand on the toilet with my pants around my ankles so she
could eat me out. I was game, except I must have eaten
something that didn’t sit well. My stomach did a cartwheel, I
yelled ‘I can’t do this,’ and I fell straight down onto
the toilet and had an explosive shat right in front of
her
.”

—elisabethp4c0e1b823

6. This hallway horror:

“My ex and I wanted to try anal, so we bought a douche to,
um, clear out my backside. Anyway, he set me up in my living
room and gave me loads of magazines to keep myself occupied,
when I suddenly needed to poop. I got up to go to the
bathroom, but my body couldn’t wait. I literally shit all
over the hallway in front my then-boyfriend
. Awkward.”

—ameliah41

7. This threesome gone wrong:

“It was my 38th birthday. My friend, Denise, and I flirted
with a bartender and took him home. We all got undressed at
Denise’s apartment. Suddenly, the guy said he really liked
getting eaten out. Now, Denise wasn’t having it, but I’d done
it before (and in case I didn’t mention it, this guy was 100%
grade-A beef). The guy was on his back, and Denise was
sitting on his face, so I pushed his knees toward his chest
and worked from his dick, to his balls, to his taint, to his
backdoor. I was going to town, jerking him off all the while,
and he was into it until… he SHARTED in my mouth. I
sterilized my mouth with the rest of the bottle of vodka and
left immediately. I haven’t seen either of them since.”

—bageenadavis

8. This blacklight attack:

“Everything was fine during the actual sex, but afterwards he
decided to finger my butt. I felt something wet on my thigh
when he got up to pee and thought ‘oh, shit!’ And it was! I
I turned on the lights, and there was shit everywhere!
It was on me, him, the bed, even the bedroom door somehow.
Needless to say, we stopped the ass play for a few months.”

—meme69

9. This gooey finish:

“My boyfriend and I were feeling frisky after a bit of
drinking. We had anal sex the night before, so my bum was
already sore enough. My boyfriend decided to jack-rabbit into
my swollen butt. Luckily the alcohol numbed things a little
downstairs and I was able to relax. After he finished, he
pulled out, and on the tip of his junk was a squished mound
of poo
. I didn’t know what to do, so I offered to clean
his dick with a tissue and hand sanitizer.”

—kellipatricej

10. This shitty rumor:

“In college my girlfriend and I decided to try some butt
stuff. The whole experience was great, except when we
finished and a small amount of poop wound up on my junk. We
easily cleaned up and things were fine, but she told her
friends out of context that she pooped on me. Her friends
took that as me having a poop fetish.
I didn’t discover
this until two years later, so I had to explain to them that
I do not in fact enjoy being pooped on.”

—SnOwRiDe1080

11. This icing on the chocolate
cake:

“I was at a friend’s party and ate a lot of food (and I shit
really badly when I eat a lot). Later that night, my
boyfriend and I got home and said he wanted to try anal for
the first time. I said OK. We were in the middle of it, when
all of a sudden my stomach started to bubble. I tried to tell
my boyfriend, but it was too late. I was on top and
literally had diarrhea all over him.

—adshields10

12. This wreck it and ralph:

“One of my friends decided to try anal with her boyfriend…
but her dad walked in while they were having sex. Her
boyfriend pulled out super fast, which caused her to shit all
over his dick/stomach/chest. Apparently the smell was so
awful that he then started to throw up
. Poor dad saw the
whole damn thing.”

—dreav488838245

13. This anal canal:

“I met a bi guy online and invited him over. We had great
sex, and then he pulled out a toy for me to use on him. I
didn’t want to be the girl who said no, so I let him go to
the bathroom to prep. We tried using the toy, but it wouldn’t
go in. We finally made it work, and he got really into it. As
I was working it in and out of his ass, little brown drops
started coming out. I pulled the toy out, and then the
drops came out faster and BIGGER
. It was… an
experience. I no longer go near any man’s asshole, no matter
how much they ask me to.”

—quinlantaylor04

Columbia Pictures / Apatow Productions

14. This dirty booty call:

“I was house-sitting for my sister and had a guy over one
night. Things got hot, and then he left quickly, which seemed
weird. I later noticed that the futon was in a different
position than it originally was (thinking ‘hell yeah, we
rocked this thing a couple of feet,’ but nope). When I went
to the bathroom to clean up after sex, he had flipped the
entire full-size futon over. There was a massive shit
streak across the bare, cream-colored futon
. Needless to
say, I was completely turned off by the fact that this dude
couldn’t wipe properly and never used him as a booty call
again.”

—dameffy

15. And this Grindr kerfuffle:

“I invited a guy from Grindr over. I found out he liked to be
tied up, so, being the people-pleasing, awkward turtle I am,
I obliged. I was on top and felt a pain in my stomach. I
figured I just needed to change positions, so I got off. When
I did, I felt something warm, and then I smelled it: I got
diarrhea all over his crotch. There was an awkward silence,
and then I ran to the bathroom, but I FORGOT HE WAS STILL
TIED UP
. It took 10 minutes to get myself together until
I could untie him. We haven’t spoken since, except for the
time he asked me to Venmo him $60 to pay for his underwear
that I pooped on.”

—anthonyw16

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