18 Sex Stories That’ll Make You Never Want To Have Sex Again


The best of the best. Or the best of the worst,
depending on how you look at it.

Posted on August 08, 2017, 16:18 GMT

Over time, I’ve read a
lot of sex horror stories submitted by the BuzzFeed Community.
Honestly, some people have had a wild ride. So I decided to
gather up my favourites and put them in one place. Are you
ready for the best of the worst?

HBO

WARNING: You’ll probably never want to have sex again
after this. But if you do want more, you can click
the link at the end of each submission to check out
similar stories.

1. The salad and the vagina.

“My friend always tells the story of how her brother and his
girlfriend once bought a salad at a gas station so that he
could eat it out of her vagina. A few days later she went to
the ER with maggots in her vag.”

—sydneys4bcf4f85a

From this post:
12 Sex + Food Horror Stories You Won’t Be Able To Unread

2. The birthday surprise.

“It was my 38th birthday and my friends and I took a
bartender home. After things got hot, the dude said, ‘You
know what I’m really into? Getting eaten out.’ My friend
Denise wasn’t having it, but I’d done it before and this guy
was 100% grade-A beef, so I agreed. He was on his back, and
Denise was sitting on his face, so I started working from his
balls, to his taint, to his backdoor. As I went to town, he
suddenly sharted in my mouth. I immediately sterilized my
mouth with a bottle of vodka and left. I haven’t seen any of
them since.”

—bageenadavis

From this post:
15 Orgy Horror Stories That’ll Make You Quit Sex Forever

3. The wrong time to sneeze.

“I was giving my high school boyfriend a blow job. When he
came I sneezed, and it all flew out of my nose in one long
string. Two inches of cum and snot just dangled from my nose.
Out of habit, I sniffed like I had a runny nose and it zipped
back up into my nostril. We were in hysterics.”

—amazingrando

From this post:
15 Oral Sex Horror Stories That’ll Make You Gag

4. The eBay purchase.

“I bought these anal beads really cheap from eBay because I
was curious about them. I ended up trying them with my
boyfriend one night; everything was fine until he pulled them
out again. I felt a sudden hesitation from him, so I looked
back and saw him with only two-thirds of the goddamn thing.
The rest was missing … IN MY BUTT. I almost panicked, but I
managed to fish them out of my butthole in the bathroom after
some struggle. DO NOT BUY CHEAP SEX TOYS, PEEPS!”

—nannas47b1af8a2

From this post:
People Told Us Their Sex Toy Horror Stories And These Are The
Cringiest Results

5. The church sermon.

“My fiancée once slept with a preacher’s daughter. One time,
they decided to have sex in the balcony of the church…while
her father was preaching a sermon on Sunday morning. She came
right as her father finished preaching and screamed ‘Oh,
god!’ Someone in the audience responded with ‘Hallelujah!'”

—booptehsnoot

From this post:
15 Public Sex Horror Stories Guaranteed To Make You Cringe
And Laugh

6. The first time fertiliser.

“I slept with a guy I’d been seeing for a month. After the
initial pain, I got into it and enjoyed it a lot. The tragedy
occurred later on that night, when I realised that I had to
do a number two. He said the toilet in his guest house (where
we were) wasn’t working. The one in the main house was fine,
but he had rented out the main house and I couldn’t go in
that late, so I ended up taking a dump in his garden.”

– kyronp

From this post: 20
Gay Men’s First-Time Sex Stories That’ll Make You Laugh And
Then Cry

7. The unfortunate time to be wearing a
white skirt.

“Things felt a little wetter than usual when my boyfriend and
I were fooling around, but I assumed we were just extra
horny. He looked down and asked if I was on my period. I
wasn’t, but when he pulled out there was blood EVERYWHERE. We
noticed the blood was coming from his penis. We grabbed a
towel and put pressure on it to stop the bleeding. It
stopped, and we realized his frenulum had snapped, so we went
to the hospital. While in the waiting room, I felt a rush of
liquid come out of my vagina. Since we hadn’t immediately
stopped having sex, he basically filled me up with blood. I
was, of course, wearing a white skirt. Whoops.”

—Conz Preti, Facebook

From this post: 17
Penis Horror Stories Guaranteed To Make You Laugh

8. The post-sex teamwork.

“I was really horny so I drove 45 minutes to my ex’s house to
have sex. The next morning I realised I never took out my
tampon. His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too
far, and I couldn’t get it out. After 30 minutes I gave up
and called the guy, asking for a favour. I went to his work,
locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel,
and spread my legs on his desk so he could pull out the
tampon. He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it
out.”

—lauront

From this post:
15 Big-Dick Horror Stories That’ll Make You Quit Sex
Forever

9. The belated present.

“After a bad breakup in college, I went out with some
girlfriends and ended up going home with someone. Three days
later, I felt something weird when I went to the bathroom. I
pulled out a condom that still held semen in it. I went three
days without noticing a filled condom was stuck up in my
vagina.”

—Loosethegoose

From this post:
15 Vagina Horror Stories That’ll Send Shivers Down Your
Spine

10. The dirty talk.

“Me and my (now ex) boyfriend were fooling around in bed. I
thought it was going to lead to sex, but instead he grabbed
my labia and started opening and closing it while saying,
‘Release the kraken!'”

– ugotnojams

From the post:
18 Bizarre Sex Stories That’ll Make You Think Twice About
Having Sex Again

11. The birthing experience.

“My boyfriend bought a vibrator for me as a surprise for the
night. It was all fun and games until we heard a shutter and
a crack. He had one half of the vibrator in his hand and the
other half was stuck inside of me. I sat there, totally
mortified. He wanted to take me to the ER, so instead I
pushed it out like I was giving birth. It was the most
embarrassing moment ever.”

—vavilleg

From this post:
15 Vibrator Horror Stories That’ll Make You Cringe

12. The amateur gymnast.

“Once I came home and my roommate and her fwb were having sex
standing up in the middle of the room. She was bent over like
she was reaching for her toes and he was behind her. When
they saw me come in, he thrusted really hard and she did a
somersault. I saw so many body parts I never wanted to see.”

–moniquec46279af09

From this post:
16 Roommate Sex Horror Stories That Will Make You Want To
Live Alone

13. The petty ex.

“I was in high school and snuck out around 2 a.m. to meet two
boys. My most recent ex at the time called me in the middle
of the threesome, and I foolishly answered. He got super
jealous and called my parents to tell them what I was doing.
My parents then drove and picked me up. It was so awkward.”

—susue

From this post:
15 Threesome Horror Stories That’ll Make You Want To Give Up
Sex

14. The morning after the night
before.

“My boyfriend came home drunk and wanted anal. We had done it
once before, but we were both sober and careful to go slow
and use lube. This time he was so drunk, he poured lube ALL
OVER my ass and shoved his dick right in! It hurt so bad I
had to stop him after a minute or two. The next morning he
went to the bathroom and found SHIT under his foreskin that
had been there all night!”

—sarahm4

From this post: 15 Anal
Sex Horror Stories That’ll Make You Gag

15. The alternative form of
protection.

“Didn’t have a condom and I did not want to get pregnant, so
my boyfriend made one out of grocery bags and then taped it
onto his dick. Hand to God, worst first time ever.”

—kellyh421092f6f

From this post:
Here Are Virginity Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel
Better About Your Awkward First Time

16. The cheating that allegedly doesn’t
count.

“I hooked up with a guy I’d only known for a few days.
Everything went fine until it was time to drop him off at his
place the next morning. There was a guy standing outside the
apartment looking pissed, who immediately started toward us.
Apparently the guy was gay, but liked to cheat on his live-in
boyfriend with women because, to him, that wasn’t cheating.”

—chelseasowerss

From this post:
19 One-Night Stand Horror Stories That Will Make You
Celibate

17. The “murder” mystery.

“My periods are super heavy — like having to wear double
protection heavy — so my hubs and I usually ~go for it~ in
the shower. It’s been generally incident-free, but once, we
did it, finished up all nice, went to bed aglow and
satisfied… and then were woken up by my daughter screaming
the next morning because she found dried bloody handprints in
the shower!”

—alih26

From this post: 15
Times Period Sex Went Really Wrong, Really Fast

18. The Beauregarde body double.

“Once, my partner (who’s now my husband) experimented with
choking me and we had a tap-out rule. I guess it felt so good
that I didn’t realize my face was turning purple and I didn’t
tap out. Then I hear, ‘Oh my god. I’m so sorry!’ I checked
the mirror and blood vessels had actually popped. I looked
like Violet Beauregarde for a few days.”

—sauceboss1027

From this post:
16 BDSM Sex Stories That Went Hilariously Wrong

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or
clarity.

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