Because you can’t miss your mom’s call.
Posted on May 01, 2017, 22:31 GMT
asked the BuzzFeed Community
to tell us about the weirdest thing that happened when they
had sex for the first time. Here are some of the most
painfully awkward responses.
1. This savage AF mom:
I lost my virginity watching Dodgeball. Afterwards,
I put the condom packet in my pocket. I forgot about it and
a couple of days later I came home and the condom packet
was on my pillow. I had put my jeans in the laundry basket
and my mom fished the wrapper out. She left it on my pillow
so I knew she knew. And she knew I knew she knew.
Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation / Via giphy.com
2. The one stop shop:
The only awkward thing about my first time was that it was
in his truck behind a Walmart…I’m pretty sure that
there were some homeless people watching.
3. The one you immediately
After my first time, he got mad because I didn’t
bleed. He believed that old wives tale that virgins
bled after their first time – the girl he had lost his
virginity to did (I just think she was on the rag). We
didn’t have sex for another two months after that because
he was so upset. Needless to say that relationship ended
4. Oh, just don’t mind the dead
animal right there…:
We were on his farm, in the bed of a pickup truck. Normal
for a small town. There was also a dead raccoon in
the back of the pickup.
5. Throwing knives and a
retainer…what more do you need?:
He stopped in the middle of terrible foreplay, left me in
the bed naked, went to answer the door (in jeans), and came
back to the bedroom with a package. What was in the
package? “Throwing knives!” he said. He opened the package
as I was lying there. Eventually we got around to it.
And to add insult to injury his retainer got stuck in my
hair. Not to mention he sang “I just had sex”
afterwards then told all my friends when we met up later.
6. The golden shower:
My first time got interrupted by someone receiving an
unwanted golden shower a room over.
7. Sometimes you just gotta talk
about God after:
His super religious grandma got home early, walked in, and
started screaming at both of us. She yelled at us about
how we were going to hell and made us talk about god
afterward. It was, in a word, awful.
8. Kind of surprised this hasn’t been
on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy:
We were in such a hurry to do it that we skipped foreplay
and went for the big bang. Next thing I know I started
bleeding…After two hours of continuous bleeding and
passing blood clots I called my mom. My mom ended up
taking me to the emergency room where we found out due to
lack of “moisture” the lining of my vagina ripped and I
ended up getting stitches. Traumatic.
9. Grandmas know, even when they’re
After I got home my mother got mad and accused me of having
sex hair. (I was 16 at the time) I of course said she was
crazy and I didn’t do anything. Then she says to me
“Remember your grandmother can see EVERYTHING you do
…my grandma passed away a month prior to this.
10. Sometimes they just gotta take the
We finally start going at it and getting in a groove, then
his mom calls, and HE ANSWERS WHILE INSIDE ME. I was
mortified and made him leave immediately. Don’t regret it
My first time was when I was 17. Apparently he went and
cried about it to his mom who then proceeded to call my
mother and tell her and then sent him off to confess his
sins at church. Then our parents forced us to go to
planned parenthood together and get me plan b and as soon
as he dropped me off at home my parents grounded me.
Universal Pictures International / Via giphy.com
12. Just in case you didn’t know…pee
The sex was so bad because he had no idea where the
clitoris was and I didn’t know you were supposed to pee
after sex and I got a really bad uti.
13. The sticky bandit:
I ran to the bathroom to fake throw up (with sound
effects). When I returned to the room to tell the guy I was
too sick to continue, I discover he has taken off… but
not before stealing my wallet, phone, and earrings. Fun
Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation / Via giphy.com
14. The time sex saved:
I threw up right after because it hurt so bad. Turns out
I had endometriosis and eventually got surgery. Talk
about a traumatizing first time though!
15. “What are you waiting for?”
I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS IN ME! He started breathing
heavier, and all I felt was pressure. I looked at him and
asked him, “Um, what are you waiting for?” He looked down
at me very surprised and retorted, “What are you talking
about?” I looked down and was like, “Oh…”
16. Sometimes you can’t help but to
*cringe* right after:
My first time he asked me to call him “daddy” I wasn’t
into it. Afterwards when he was getting dressed I
noticed he was wearing a World of Warcraft T-shirt
under his hoodie. I wasn’t into that either.
17. The time they actually got away
My grandmother was in the room next door, we had the
live action Scooby Doo movie in the background, and
my dog kept trying to hump his leg. After the deed was
done, my grandma came out and asked what time it was. She
was asleep through the entire process.
18. Madea’s first time:
It was to one of Tyler Perry’s “Madea” movies
19. The drop of sweat:
During the act, a drop of his sweat dripped on my
forehead and he kept bumping my head into the
headboard. Looked at the clock when it was over. Most
awkward seven minutes of my life.
20. That’s one way to make an
impression on your future mother-in-law:
Technically this wasn’t my “first time” but my first time
with my husband. We were 16 and 17- and on the bottom bunk
in his room, everyone was home (siblings, mom and dad)
romantic I know… his MOM and DAD BOTH come in and tell
me to get OUT…11 years later we have a great
relationship and laugh about it.
21. The time in the “smush”
The guy pulled the sheet over us and said “I feel like
I’m on Jersey Shore“
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or
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