27 Breakup Letters To Your Migraines


Health

“I still can’t forgive you for making me puke Panera mac and
cheese.”

Posted on May 02, 2017, 17:46 GMT

We recently
asked members of the
BuzzFeed Community what they would say to their migraines
if they could write them a letter.

Here’s what they said:

1.

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“Dear Migraine,

I am amazed by your ability to find the keys to my head
even though I try to keep it locked from you. Now I know
that you are the best at it. So you can stop showing me
that you are the best at it. I believe you.”

—tresusy

2. “I know my head is just the greatest
place to hang out but you know, you really don’t have to be
there ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.”

“Dear Migraine,

Can you please give me more then three consecutive days
without you? I know my head is just the greatest place to
hang out but you know, you really don’t have to be there ALL
THE GODDAMN TIME. Go take a nice walk on the beach or through
the park or, you know, by a landfill filled with bright
lights and incredibly loud sounds. That works too. Just give
me the ability to actually go to work so my boss doesn’t fire
me for calling in sick so much. The ability to make plans in
advance and then actually follow through with them. I’m not
asking for much really. Just some goddamn peace.

Sincerely yours (since you won’t leave me alone),

Casey”

—caseye43e56c9ed

3. “I will never forgive you for
interrupting my listening to the Hamilton soundtrack
multiple times.”

“Dear Migraine,

Shame on you for ruining my life a few times a month. Why are
you so evil that you have to hit me when i’m about to do
something fun and exciting that I was looking forward to for
a while? I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, in the pitch
black dark, cursing you and your powers. When you first
entered my life, I was so scared and felt so alone while
everyone around me was fine and carried on throughout their
days, leaving me and my thoughts alone in the dark.

Migraine, you should know that you should have never entered
my head, let alone take over my vision and, sometimes, entire
body.

Good thing I have my partner in crime, Triptan, AKA my only
power against you.

One more thing: I will never forgive you for interrupting my
listening to the Hamilton soundtrack multiple times.”

—fibobberty

4.

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“Dear Migraine,

Can you please hang out literally ANYWHERE other than my
trigeminal nerve? I have a fucking life I need to live.
Shit to do. A toddler to parent. I can’t do that very
well when I can’t even take a bite of food without
excruciating pain.

P.S. Fuck you very much”

—blueberrypi

5. “That’s a nice trick you do when I
already have period cramps and you feel like corkscrewing
into my brain.”

“Dear Migraine,

Thanks for sending me home from countless grade school
sleepovers, and making me CONVINCED the first time I had an
aura that, Yup, this is it — I’m about to be abducted by
aliens or I’m going crazy.
Also, that’s a nice trick you
do when I already have period cramps and you feel like
corkscrewing into my brain.

Sincerely,

Over This”

—hannahb472d6d1a6

6. “I just want to know why you insist
on ruining my life.”

“Dear Migraine,

Why? I don’t want to scream at you, or beat the shit about of
you, or do anything. I just want to know why you insist on
ruining my life. Why do you make me have anxiety about going
out because you might show up? Why do you give me so much
pain, and make no one believe me when I say you’re real? What
did I do to deserve this?”

—ambelina

8. “Much like my ruptured appendix that
serves no purpose and nearly killed me, you are the bane of
humanity.”

“Dear useless spawn of Satan (aka Migraine),

Thank you for making me miss days of work going to
neurologists and getting CT scans thinking I have a brain
tumor just to find out you’re a hereditary ailment that will
plague me forever, and possibly my children and future
generations, too. Much like my ruptured appendix that serves
no purpose and nearly killed me, you are the bane of
humanity.

Best Regards,

Me”

—r4bf7a93a4

9. “I know you exist, please stop
trying to visit me everyday.”

“Dear Migraine,

I know you exist, please stop trying to visit me everyday.
You bother me so often that people rarely believe me when I
say you’ve come to visit. You make me go from tired and
depressed to anxious and restless.”

—wumpscut

10.

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“Dear Migraines,

Thank you so much for masquerading as sinus issues for
years.

P.S. Please give more warning than just dizziness before
arriving so I can plan accordingly.”

—mercedeschantelleg

11. “Please note that any future
violations will constitute a no-show, and you will be
terminated immediately.”

“Attn: Migraine Headaches,

It has come to my attention that you regularly fail to give
at least four hours prior notice when you earn another
attendance violation. Please note that any future violations
will constitute a no-show, and you will be terminated
immediately.

Thank you,

The beleaguered management”

—natalieebertk

12. “You are a constant pain in my
back…and neck…and yes, my head.”

“Dear Migraines,

I said “my head hurts” so many times as a kid that my
siblings thought I was faking it. I got my only C ever junior
year of high school because of you. I wanted to die because
of you. That same year, you landed me in a hospital for a
week. I tried eight different medicines that had side effects
that ranged from numbness to weight gain. The nausea that
accompanied you last semester during finals week had me
wanting to go lay on the bathroom floor instead of studying.
You held me back so many times in my life. You are a constant
pain in my back…and neck…and yes, my head.

I really, really don’t like you.”

—mollyb4a2b4c711

13.

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“Dear Migraine (if that is your real name),

What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you think you’re
so gosh darn special? You don’t want to be a classic
migraine. Fine. You had to be a vestibular migraine — a
migraine so special that it doesn’t have the #1 thing
associated with migraines: headaches. I’m cool with that,
but could you quit it with the nearly constant vertigo?
Trading a headache for the sensation that the world is
always spinning and swaying and rocking isn’t any better.
It would be neat if you could respond to my ever-growing
collection of medications (I’m not made of money,
migraines) so I could drive, and go to work, and function
like a relatively normal person who can walk in a
straight line without the fear of falling over.

Much appreciated,

Shannon”

—ravenouslittlehoneybadger

14. “Also, if you could stop making it
look and feel like it’s raining inside that would be
great.”

“Dear Crusher,

Stop making it feel like my head is being squeezed in a vise
and my brains are spilling out my ears. Also, if you could
stop making it look and feel like it’s raining inside, that
would be great.”

—jordiej

15. “You have taught me compassion for
those that suffer from their own daily battles, so many of
which are invisible, but that in no way makes them any less
real or debilitating.”

“Dear Sheila:

I don’t know why you chose me, but you did. Some people just
get all the luck. There are so many reasons to hate you and
curse every aspect of what you are, and believe me, I do. You
possess absolutely zero good qualities, and I find myself
angrily exclaiming, “Goddamnit, Sheila!” far too often.

From the actual symptoms to the complete lack of
understanding of anyone who doesn’t know you personally,
there’s no part of our abusive relationship I would want
anyone anyone else to have to go through. Nothing about YOU
is good, but what I have learned because I know that you and
I and are intertwined forever, no matter what, is: You have
taught me compassion for those that suffer from their own
daily battles, so many of which are invisible, but that in no
way makes them any less real or debilitating. You taught me
to savor the good moments, because you could take them away
at any moment on a whim.

I’m very in tune with my own body since you required me to
memorize the long list of things that you treat as an
invitation to visit. I have so much more patience and don’t
concern myself with other people’s opinions of me and my life
due to the fact that there have been countless individuals
who questioned my honesty, work ethic, commitment, abilities,
and strength during all those times that my body and mind
didn’t belong to me, but to you. All they saw was me when, in
reality, I was under your complete control. So, I know you’re
not ever going away, and while I have lived in fear of your
presence since I was a child, while you certainly have a
profound affect on many things, you cannot — and will
not — take my life away from me.

Fuck off, Sheila — I’m stronger than you know.”

—sydneymateus

16.

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“Dear Migraines:

Kindly fuck off and don’t return. You ruin too many
potentially good days for me and I deserve better.

Sincerely,

Ryan”

—r46143bf89

17. “You misunderstand what I meant by
‘I love my bed and I daydream of being in it.'”

“Dear Migraines,

You misunderstand what I meant by “I love my bed and I
daydream of being in it.”

Also your lead up sucks.

And your surprise visits with no warning.

Also thanks for making me question everything I do with my
body: reading, studying, eating, drinking, facial
movements…maybe squinting is why I get migraines. Note to
self: never squint again.

And not squinting hurts too.

This isn’t working out for me, I don’t want to see you
anymore.

Me”

—s47df4d192

18.

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“Dear Migraines,

Thanks for ruining my childhood. The medication I took to
get rid of you always made me too sleepy to enjoy my
youth. You always feed off my tears. The more you hurt,
the more I cry; the more I cry, the more I hurt. Such a
vicious cycle. I can’t stay in the sun too long, or take
naps lest I get caught in your wrath. Also, fuck you.

Sincerely,

Me”

—kaylahdoll

19. “You’re like that nasty family
member that everyone tells to fuck off, but they still come
over anyway, and then they won’t leave.”

“Dear Migraine,

It’s a shame we have this awkward relationship, you and I. I
mean, you show up uninvited, generally the day after anything
stressful. You wait until my first day off, or first day of a
holiday, or first anything where I finally get to relax.
You’re like that nasty family member that everyone tells to
fuck off, but they still come over anyway, and then they
won’t leave. At least that family member doesn’t make me feel
like my right eyeball is about to pop out and hang down on my
cheek, while simultaneously making me feel as if I’m about to
have a stroke.

And as much as I jest, my workplace sure isn’t laughing about
all the time I’ve taken off over the years. I’ve missed out
on so many special events (and normal events) that are, well,
my life. It’s MY life, so seriously, please just cut the shit
and fuck off. No one needs you. No one.

Always yours (although I wish otherwise),

Me”

—tonishires

20.

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“Dear Migraine,

I have known you my whole life, from the day I was born
till now, almost 20 years later, and we both have been
through many changes and conditions. Thanks for all the
puking, the time spent in bed, the time spent lying awake
at night wondering if death would be better than to
suffer another migraine. All that before I was 10.

Thanks for making me take all those different medications
that ruined other parts of my body while you hung around,
not at all bothered by them. Thanks for the problems
you’ve caused all my friends and family. If you’re going
to be here, just stick to me, okay? I’ve come to accept
you’re going to be with me until I die, so I just have to
keep moving forward, no matter how much it hurts.

Whatever,

Lane”

—bbbelladonna

21. “Isn’t it enough that any natural
light changes mess me up for days? Or temperature changes? Or
mozzarella cheese? Or my freaking period?”

“Dear Migraine,

I used to love red wine. It was such a nice treat in the
evening after work, or on a Sunday afternoon with
friends…but no. You had to take that from me, too! You
ruined my trip to Spain and Italy! Like, I had to be the
woman who couldn’t enjoy red wine in Spain! Why would you do
that? Isn’t it enough that any natural light changes mess me
up for days? Or temperature changes? Or mozzarella cheese? Or
my freaking period? Why do you hate me so much?

You already gave me vertigo! Like, I can’t even tell where
the floor is. People think I’m perpetually drunk! I teach
children for goodness sake; I’ve had to explain to parents
that I’m not intoxicated, just have really bad migraines. I
had to get an MRI because of you! Do you know how expensive
they are? Dude! Why are you so awful? I have nothing left to
give you. Please, leave me alone.

Sincerely,

A person who used to be functional”

—violinrooster

22. “You are a horrible
influence.”

“Dear Migraine,

Don’t you have any other friends? Go hang out with them all
the time, not me. I have enough problems without you hanging
over my head every single day. You are a horrible influence.”

—krish987

23.

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“Dear Migraines,

You’re a jerk. You have shown up unannounced and
uninvited, guns a-blazin’ too many times. It’s been five
years and I still can’t forgive you for making me puke
Panera mac and cheese all over my car…while driving.

Get lost.”

—samanthar42a22da62

24. “It was really fun explaining to my
friends that I could barely function because of TV static in
my vision.”

“Dear Migraine,

Thanks for making me sound insane when I tried to describe
the tear in reality that you made me hallucinate. It was
really fun explaining to my friends that I could barely
function because of nausea, puking, and a crippling headache
effectively caused by a triangle of TV static in my vision.”

—lyfesuckz

25.

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“Dear Migraine,

Thanks for leaving me alone during my teenage years. And
although there was really no need to come back, I
appreciate that you forgot to bring back the whole
throwing up thing. Thanks for teaching me that no matter
how much pain and distress I’m in, I can still function
pretty much normally. I’ve built so much of my life
around you — doing my best to keep you from coming every
single day like you used to — I’m not sure how I could
live if you weren’t here anymore. And that’s kind of
scary.

Marie”

—neptheis

26. “Thanks for not being recurrent
enough to qualify for Botox, but often enough that people
constantly tell me ‘but you ALWAYS have a headache.'”

“You’re a real peach.”

—kliarin

27.

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“Dear Migraine,

I am so tired of you disrupting my life! It is one thing
for me to have to deal with the debilitating pain a few
times a week, but it is unacceptable for my children to
miss out on their mother because she has to hide in a
dark room. It is unacceptable to have to tell your son I
can’t go out to play because I feel sick only to be told
“You ALWAYS feel sick.” Even though I know that isn’t
true, it is unacceptable that it might be their
perception. I am tired of the days I have missed playing
with them and the nights I have missed reading to them. I
am determined to take my life back.”

—jasminehud

Responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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