30 Super Honest Stories About Watching Queer Porn For The First Time


LGBT

“I felt like I was walking into Narnia.”

Posted on May 23, 2017, 21:33 GMT

Everyone remembers their
first time — watching porn, that is.

It’s no secret a ton of people enjoy
watching porn. But for people within the LGBT community,
watching (or accidentally stumbling upon) queer porn for the
very first time can be educational and affirming — or it can
be a totally confusing and misleading experience.

Yeah, it’s complicated. So we
asked a bunch of people to share the very first time they
saw their identity reflected in porn (for better or worse).
Here are just a few of their open and honest responses:

1.

“The first time was when I was allowed to use the computer
with internet by myself without anyone in the room. I think I
was only 10 and really anxious that someone would found out
that I was watching gay porn. I really liked to see just men.
When I watched television I was mostly focused on the man
rather than the woman. Ironically — despite the fact that
I really liked what I saw — I still thought that I was
straight.

At that time, I didn’t know that you could remove the
browser’s history. So afterward, when someone else was
typing an address the first thing they would see in the
recommended websites was all gay porn.
When loading a
website it also showed pop-ups full of porn so, as you can
imagine, I was dying. I got away with it because around that
time everybody had issues with viruses, so I blamed it on
that. Now I doubt that my parents ever believed that.”

—22/M/Gay

2.

“The first time I watched queer porn I was thirteen. I
remember searching ‘lesbianism’ in the search bar and
clicking on the first video I found. Nothing had made me
feel as turned on in all of my thirteen years.”

—18/F/Pansexual

3.

“I started watching lesbian porn when I was in middle school
because I was just figuring out my sexuality. I was very
interested and it made me feel some type of way. Straight
porn at the time made me super uncomfortable. I thought the
guys were awful and I didn’t like watching girls get fucked.
After a while, I realized lesbian porn was fake and after
I had sex with a person with a vagina I saw it all very
differently.

While I wouldn’t attribute porn to my sexual ability or
curiosity, I would say it gave me an outlet to explore
myself. “

—21/Trans/Queers

4.

“I was about 13 when I first started and because I grew up in
a very Christian home, I was really scared. It may sound
odd, but it helped me accept my asexuality.
Gay porn
helping a female come to terms with her being an asexual
homoromantic person? Yeah, I know its crazy! Like, how do you
figure out if you are not feeling something that most
everyone feels? How do I know what attraction feels like?
Watching porn kinda helped me find that out. ”

—19/F/Asexual

5.

“It felt like walking into Narnia.”

—25/Trans/Queer

6.

“I hated the first girl on girl porn I watched, the fake
fingernails were awful! It’s still hard to find realistic
girl-on-girl videos. Let’s just say It didn’t give me a
realistic starting point to sex with women.”

—32/F/Lesbian

7.

“Back in the day, I would sneak my dad’s work laptop at
night, use an AOL ‘free 5 hours’ CD-ROM and search for pics
of naked guys. It was beyond thrilling, waiting for each line
of pixels to load. It also was the first time I felt safe
in my sexuality, having grown up in a very Mormon household
in which I was taught to hide, hate and pray away the
gay.
In a real way, porn saved my young life.”

—35/M/Gay

8.

“I first watched lesbian porn, which was better than any
that included men, but it was professional, and it seemed
fake, which turned me off.”

—28/F/Pansexual

9.

“At first I only ever watched lesbian porn, as I assumed it
would get me off, me being attracted to girls and all. But
then I typed ‘gay’ in the search bar and hit enter — before I
am done typing out what I want and up pops mountains
of videos of gay guy sex.
I was curious as I had never
seen gay guy sex before so I clicked on the first video I
saw. I thought I would be disgusted but was surprised to find
how quickly I came once I started watching it. I only
watch gay guy porn now.

—18/F/Lesbian

10.

“Confusing. At first, I wasn’t sure because I hadn’t quite
figured myself out yet — identity wise. I wasn’t sure if I
liked it or not.”

—18/FTM Trans/Queer

11.

“My first porn was lesbian porn because I was looking up
lesbians because I thought I might be one and naturally porn
is one of the first things I came across. I was a bit shocked
none the less.”

—19/nonbinary/Lesbian

12.

“It was a porn VHS my dad had in a box. It was a straight
film, but there was one queer shot with anal sex: I was maybe
16 and I was in ecstasy.”

—45/F/Lesbian

13.

“When I was exploring my sexuality. I was ‘waiting’ to be
attracted to girls, but always found myself looking at
guys… then eventually only guys. I used to feel
really guilty after I’d jerked off because I’d think “omg,
you just jerked off to a guy” but when I realized those
feelings for girls weren’t coming, I felt much better about
it.

I always knew I was more interested in boys, but didn’t know
that that was ‘a thing.’ So when a bully called me gay, I
asked him what that meant and he told me.
I remember
thinking, ‘Yeah, I guess that might be what I am,’ since that
described the sort of porn I was watching. I didn’t feel bad
about it so much knowing that there were others out there who
enjoyed the same thing I did, despite someone trying to use
it as a slur against me that day.”

—30/M/Gay

14.

“Started watching around 15 or16. A venture into very, very
bad straight porn led me to explore other options. I’ve
always felt that gay men just look like they’re having more
fun and pleasure than women/men in straight porn. Also with
amateur women, it’s nice to tell that they actually do end up
having an orgasm. I’ve always felt that the orgasms in
straight porn are very much put on. ”

—28/F/LESBIAN

15.

“What can I say? It was totally mind-blowing. It was a
really deep recognition, like if I was with them in the scene
myself.”

—60/Non-binary/Queer

16.

“I was a teenager and my sibling rented a video with two guys
having wild sex with each other. I was intrigued and it got
me really horny but I had to wait until that night, when I
was alone in bed, to masturbate and relieve my pent up
horniness.”

— 48/F/Bisexual

17.

“I started masturbating at 13 to gay male porn actually. At
first, I watched it because it gave me a tingly feeling *down
there* and once I discovered what a clit was, I started
masturbating day and night. I didn’t feel that weird about
what two men have sex — in my mind it was the straightest
thing in the world, because there were no women
. And at
this time in my life, I was supressing my feelings for girls,
so watching gay porn was comforting in a way.”

— 18/Agender/Pansexual

18.

“I saw The Kids Are Alright and wondered why there
were lesbians watching gay porn. I thought it must be good or
something.”

—20/F/Bisexual

19.

“I was 9, it was scrambled cable, and I was transfixed. One
program was definitely Playboy’s Night Calls and one
of the hosts talked dirty to a woman who called in while
having sex with a man. The host was so confident, guiding
her, asking her ‘Yeah, are you getting fucked?’ I had
never heard women speak to each other this way. It was so
energizing.”

—33/F/Queer

20.

“Heh, in the back study while my parents had bible study
going on in the living room
. It was a thrilling taboo
rush trying to make dial-up internet load some short little
clip with the sound turned fully off. But I knew I loved it,
even if it felt kinda wrong at the time.”

—28/M/Gay

21.

“I was a teen when I found porn on the internet. It was in
the dial-up days though, so it wasn’t great quality. The
first time I watched it was over almost before it
started
. I was so turned on about the chance of getting
caught! I couldn’t believe I got away with it, and then good
old fashioned southern baptist guilt kicked in and I felt
pretty terrible about it.”

—33/M/Gay

22.

“I ‘knew’ it was wrong to find this sort of thing, but I was
still so interested gay porn. It gave me a strange feeling
that watching straight porn had never done before
. Took
me a long while before I came to terms with what the feeling
was, and that this was what everyone else was feeling, and
what I was missing out on.”

—20/M/Gay

23.

“I was 16 and I had just gotten my first smartphone with the
internet. I discovered how easy it was to watch porn online
for free and decided to take a look. At this point, I was
aware I wasn’t attracted to women but never really allowed
myself to explore my interest.
I clicked on the first
girl-on-girl video on the featured page and watched the whole
thing. Twice.

I was instantly aroused and intrigued. After that, I think I
watched multiple hours of videos, mesmerized by what I was
seeing. I didn’t even masturbate to them. I just watched
them because it was almost a sexual awakening for me.”

—20/F/Queer

24.

“OH GOD, I remember. I had just downloaded my first porn
video and wanted to check to see if it worked before I went
to school. Of course, this was when my mom walked in. So
15-year-old female me got caught at 6:30 a.m. on a school day
looking at gay porn.
Home run!

—24/Trans/Queer

25.

When I first started watching porn (straight stuff , I always
wanted to see more dick action. So, I watched some gay porn.
Boy did I get what I wanted.

—18/M/Gay

26.

“My first exposure to any videos of a sexual nature was
actually lesbians making out when I was about 12. I
eventually grew bolder and watched an actual porn video and I
think it was lesbians as well. I liked it a lot but when I
was younger I would feel guilty about watching porn and
getting off.

There was an element of ‘I shouldn’t be doing this’ that
watching porn had that made me less inclined to watch it. As
I grew older and realized that there was nothing wrong with
watching porn is when I started to explore more genres of
porn and found the ones that I liked.”

17/F/Bisexual

27.

“I googled ‘cheerleaders’ and ‘sex’ when I was in high
school. A lot of crazy shit came up. I remember being
turned on and then embarrassed because I was caught shortly
after searching it.”

—27/F/Lesbian

28.

“It was strange watching gay porn the first time. I don’t
remember how I wandered there as a teenager but it felt right
and wrong at the same time.
Probably due to the fact that
I was so far in the closet then. But, later on, it absolutely
was part of accepting myself. It helped me figure out that,
yes, I am gay and this turns me on and I wanna try it with
another guy. ”

—24/M/Gay

29.

“The very first time I found porn, it was audio only of a
woman masturbating, so my first videos were about that, too.
I didn’t know I was gay yet, so I was just happy to find
videos without cis men in them.

I had my first (and only) cis boyfriend about the time I
started watching porn in highschool. He started asking
about sex, and the only penises I had ever seen were in porn
and men basically acting like the women had the purpose to
just take it and nothing else (I know, a great
introduction).
The mere concept of sex with cis men
freaked me out. Porn really helped me figure out what I was
attracted to.”

—22/F/Queer

30.

“I saw two women kissing in the video and I was mesmerized. I
grew up in a very conservative town and if there were a lot
of queer girls at my school, I never knew about it. So
porn was the only way that I had to explore my sexuality.

—24/F/Gay

Responses have been lightly edited for length and
clarity.

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Sarah Karlan is the Deputy LGBT Editor for BuzzFeed News
and is based in New York.

Contact Sarah Karlan at sarah.karlan@buzzfeed.com.


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