“I exist and hope my crush notices me.”
Posted on February 14, 2018, 21:56 GMT
What we got instead was
a big fat reminder that we are all useless creatures who
don’t flirt so much as stumble through the world hoping that
the objects of our desire will magically divine that we’re
into them and flirt with us first.
So, instead of ~29 Tips
For Being A Better Flirt~, here are a shit ton of confessions
about “””flirting””” that will make you feel called out. But
hey, at least you’re not alone.
Memes, hands-down. I’m socially awkward af, but I manage to
bag ’em with my excellent taste in memes.
—Nicole Bryant-Bey, Facebook
I get drunk, hook up with them and hope for the best.
I exist and hope my crush notices me.
I flirt by stealing food. Like a french fry here and there.
I’ve received several death threats, so I need to get a new
My flirting strategy was always to find the Goodreads of the
girl I had feelings for and then read some of her favorite
books or post about reading them, hoping she’d talk to me
about them. This has literally never worked, and the fact
that I’m no longer single is continually shocking to me.
I always start with sarcasm. If they don’t get that, they
won’t get me, and if they do get it, everything else will
flow like honey 😉
My flirting usually consists of awkward giggles and shy
My go-to flirting style would be telepathy. First, I get all
nervous and find it difficult, if not impossible, to talk to
the flirtee. That’s when I launch the telepathy offensive and
send a million messages in my mind to the flirtee, trying to
get them to make the first move and ask me out. Occasionally
I’ll combine it with some serious eye contact, which probably
just comes across as creepy. I’m 41 and I can tell you that
this flirting style has a success rate of exactly 0%.
The first week into my first semester at college, we were
doing an activity to get to know our classmates. This guy was
flirting a lot with me and eventually told me he would see me
the next class. Which in response, I turned to him and
screamed at the top of my lungs, “WELL YOU’LL BE HERE AND
I’LL BE HERE SO WE WILL BOTH BE HERE,” and I turned and ran
out of the room.
He dropped the class that week.
I’m one of those “when you look at me, I look away” types.
And I sometimes stare. God, I wish I was better at flirting.
—Erin Boyle, Facebook
I was at a coffee shop with my dad and ‘uncle’ (his BFF), and
I thought the barista was really cute. So after I told her my
order, I just leaned over and asked her, “How old are you and
are you gay?” She said 18 and no, then proceeded to laugh.
But she then started hitting on my ‘uncle’ who flirted back a
bit. My father and ‘uncle’ laughed at me after we left.
Needless to say, straightforward may not always be best.
Self-deprecating humor, sweating a lot, and a barrage of
pop-culture references. I’m married so it worked at least a
couple times, but man, I wouldn’t flaunt it as a flirting
style anyone should try.
—Molly Jane Sisson, Facebook
I’m more of a “wear a Star Wars shirt and hope they’re
wearing a Star Wars shirt too” kind of gal. It makes
me feel like we have some sort of weird connection — maybe,
Normal people flirting: Do you listen to hip hop?
Me flirting: Do you cry in the shower to drown out your
I “flirted” with my boyfriend before we even met by liking
his Instagram pictures.
And, okay, there were a
few people who actually do have some ~moves~ you might
learn something from.
My go-to flirting technique is always to tease guys. It gives
me a good sense of whether or not we’ll work. Like, can we
joke around with each other?
Eye contact. That’s all it takes. You make eye contact,
linger just a liiiiittle too long, and that’s all it takes to
tell someone you’re interested. Sometimes you can add a smirk
or the quick look-away for added effect. It’s been my move
for 10 years running now. A classic.
I flirt pretty much entirely by controlling how much
attention I give them. Have a friend, or someone else you’re
chatting with, keep most of your attention on that friend,
and then suddenly say something to the object of your
affection. At the same time, make direct eye contact, and
smile wide and genuine. Continue to give and take attention
like that, based off of whether or not they respond to it the
first time or two.
My favorite move was at bars in college. I would walk up to
someone I thought was cute and say that they looked familiar,
like maybe we had a class together, or they worked at the
local mall too. Without actually trying, we would both try to
figure out where we knew each other from, even though we were
complete strangers. Worked every time.
If I was meeting someone at a party or hanging out, I’d
slowly move closer to them. I’d always lean closer when
talking too. And if they were sitting on a couch, I’d sit on
the arm of the couch and put my arm on the back of the couch
behind them and slowly lean closer through the night. Almost
always worked for me.
I’m super into astrology so I like to read a guy’s
astrological birth charts and find out his emotional baggage
and how he works. If he’s really handsome, I’ll read his
tarot cards or give him a really great arm massage.
—Gucio Marcin Jim Powęska, Facebook
If you are ever talking to someone over
Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat DMs and want to switch it
over to texting so it’s more legit, say, “This is killing all
my data, what’s your number?” ALWAYS works.
And then, of course,
there was the most popular answer to the question, “How do
you actually flirt?”
I️ don’t lol.
I don’t flirt. People flirt with me.
—Kevin Hou, Facebook
Happy (not) flirting,
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