Which Terrifying Vintage Sex Toy Is Right For You News


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Which Terrifying Vintage Sex Toy Is Right
For You?

You got: Instant Party Doll

The ad speaks for itself — you’ll find
a thousand uses for her,
including at the office. Because why
not. And for someone who maaaay be in
the need of a little companionship,
sounds like it’d be $69.95 well spent!

You got: Vibra-Finger Gum Massager

Between you and me, this ~massager~ was
marketed for oral hygiene. But you’re a
leader, not a follower — so you’re
going to use this HIGHLY SUGGESTIVE
VIBRATING DEVICE however you damn well
please.

You got: Hitatchi Magic Wand

This early model of the MVP of the sex
toy drawer is from late ’60s or early
’70s — AKA, perfect for someone as
classic and ~classy~ as you.

You got: Dr. Macaura’s Pulsocon Blood
Circulator

You’re pretty traditional, but don’t
mind putting in the extra work to
~romance~ yourself. Go ahead and get
cranking and enjoy the super-sexy
“strong vibrations” and “sound like a
ratchet,” according to the Antique
Vibrator Museum.

You got: The Shelton Vibrator

You’re someone who likes to get
down
, so say hello to your new best
friend. This terrifying hairdryer-dildo
combo — made by General Electric! —
comes with multiple attachments and
will never leave you bored.

Science
& Society Picture Library / Getty
Images

You got: The Polar Club Electric
Vibrator

Cleverly marketed as a beauty aid, this
vibrating contraption comes with
multiple textured heads. You know, for
your face. Or wherever else you decide
to stick it. Given that you’re a pretty
~chill~ person, you probably don’t mind
the ambiguity.

You got: The Oster Stim-U-Lax for
Barbers

Some might find this strap-to-your-hand
model with “forceful vibrations” and a
“large, strong motor” intimidating, but
NOT YOU. You’re hardcore. You can
handle it.

Vintage
Vibrator Museum image courtesy of
Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric,
All Rights Reserved / Via constanceanderic.com

You got: The Detwiller Pneumatic
Vibrator

Sounds like you like a little danger —
and what’s more dangerous than a
questionable contraption operated via
compressed air and gas? What’s hotter
than running the risk of blowing up
your bits if something malfunctions
during a masturbation session? Ooh
baby.

You got: The Spot Reducer

This cute little dude was marketed with
the claim that it helped users lose
weight, but let’s be real. There are
better uses for that vibrating
suction cup
than weight loss. So
tuck away with your romantic self (and
a time machine) and enjoy.

ID: 10414964

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